39 days and counting...

Well a lot has actually happened in the last 2 weeks....I'm sorry that I'm just now getting around to putting it on the blog.  We found out on Friday, March 16th, our current agency (Kornerstone) is merging with another agency (ACH, formerly known as All Church Home).  Although this felt like a huge setback for us, it sounds like a great opportunity for our agency.  ACH is taking all of the family developers and staff (I think) along with the merge.  Which means all families should be able to stay with their current family developer and the location is actually going to stay the same.  "Kornerstone" will be able to operate as a satellite office of the new agency.  There are also tons more resources and support that ACH can offer their staff as well as their families.  The downside is that this meant that Kornerstone would now be overwhelmed with the task of getting all of the currently licensed families switched over to ACH...so home study updates, processing paperwork, transferring files, etc.  We felt like we would be put on the back burner as a family who isn't even licensed yet.  After speaking to the person in charge of home studies at our current agency, she basically said it's up to the new agency how and when they would like to proceed with us.  I had worked so hard to get all of our paperwork and inspections done quickly, and now it seemed like it would be months before we could even schedule our home study.  Once again, I found myself not trusting that God's plan and timing is perfect and that He is in control..and worrying that my timing was not going to work the way I had planned it to.  I think this is a lesson that I need to learn as soon as possible...which I think is a good lesson for everyone, but especially for someone walking into foster care.  As a foster parent, I don't think you are in control of a whole lot, other than providing care for the children, that specific day, hour, and minute.  You never know when they are coming or when they will leave.  Hearing from other foster parents, you can't even rely on the timing given by the judge at their hearings...something can always come up that extends or shortens their stay with us.  That's just part of it, and it's going to be tough to let go of that control...or I guess to never actually get that control.  LUCKILY, I know and believe that we have a God, who is the creator of the universe, that DOES have control and who knows what is best for us and for the kids.  And if I can keep that in the forefront of my mind, then I think I would worry a whole lot less about my timeline. 

Ok so...thanks to Lisa, the awesome lady who is in charge of home studies at Kornerstone, we were not put on the back burner, as we thought might happen.  She passed along our file to ACH and told them that our home study is "of great priority" to them.  Then, last Friday, March 23rd, a home study writer called me at 5:30 and said "how does your weekend look?"  What??  This weekend??  Ummm...great?!  Since I was hosting a baby shower at our house that Saturday, I scheduled us for Sunday, the 25th, at 1:00.  So, needless to say last week/weekend was quite busy preparing for a shower and home study all in the same weekend!  There were actually lots of pluses for having the home study right after a baby shower. 
1.  house is already clean
2.  I could leave out the fresh flowers in the cutely decorated vases with ribbon
3.  I could put out goodies that were leftover from the shower
4.  I got to give the home study writer this when she left....

perfect, right?? thanks Shelby for having a transportation themed nursery :)

So, there wasn't a whole lot that I had to do to get ready for the home study, besides make sure all of our meds were put back in the double-locked tackle box and our cleaning supplies put back in the locked cabinet in the garage.  I'm sure we will do a much better job of making sure those things get put back in their appropriate locked spaces when we have kids in the house :)  So here is what I put out for our home study interviewer that afternoon (notice the amazing table that is now complete...my husband rocks and making tables):

lemonade, scones, chocolate banana bread, cake, and candy

    So, how did it go?  It wasn't as painful as I thought it would be.  We didn't get asked the "how is your sex life question?"  which we were told to expect...ummm, awkward!!  Considering that Dave and I are both pretty quiet and don't really enjoy talking about ourselves a lot, I think we did really good.  It was just soooooo long!  She was here for 5 1/2 hours.  That included an interview with just me, an interview with just Dave, an interview with Dave and I, and a walk through to make sure our house was up to standards and ready for kids.  There were lots of questions about our families, our history, how we were raised, the roles we play in our marriage, and scenarios of "what would you do if your foster child did ___."  Or "how would you help your foster child deal with ___."  I think those were the toughest ones.  Because honestly I have no idea how to help a child through the loss that they have experienced.  One thing I think we both repeated often was "there is no way we are going to be able to relate to what these kids have been through."  We are so blessed to have been brought up in families that have a history of loving the Lord and providing their children with care and love.  These kids didn't get dealt those cards and now they have to figure out how to not only overcome that, but try to break that pattern in their family.  I can't even remember my answers to those types of questions...I'm sure they weren't good.  Basically I think we said you just listen to them, try to find some common ground, pray for them, and make them feel understood, loved, and most importantly help them to realize their value as a child of God, who was created in the image of Him.  We were also handed a sheet of "behaviors" and were asked to pick out which ones we would not be willing to accept into our home.  Dave was of course quick to answer "we'll take anyone."  I was not so quick and took a few minutes to actually read and think about them all.  The ones that scared me the most were "acts out sexually,"  "hurts animals," and "history of starting fires" (I know that sounds kinda silly, but thinking about our house burning down is scary to me...I'm sure that's pretty extreme).  However, in the end, we decided that because we are going to start with an age limit of up to 10, and with basic level of care kids, we probably would not be receiving kids with these severe behaviors, to start with.  And we decided that we have enough support to find help if/when we do receive kids with these behaviors.  That doesn't mean that we aren't nervous about it and we think we are just so awesome that we can handle anything.  It just means that we believe that God gave us the ability to care for these kids and that every single one of them were created in God's image and therefore holds infinite value, and should be treated as such.  So in the end, I think she liked us, and understood us as a family who is doing this to serve the Lord and are willing to go wherever God calls us to go in this ministry.

So...we are officially DONE!  Even with the merger happening, we have already filled out the necessary paperwork for the new agency.  Now the waiting begins.  The home study writer said she legally has 45 days to write it up, but that it would probably be sooner than that.  So, really it is probably going to be less than the 39 days she has left, but who knows.  After that, we will be called in to sign one final paper and we will be on the "open list" to receive kids.  Which means we could get a call the next day, the next week, again, who knows? (see what I mean about needing to quickly learn this "not in control" lesson??)

In the meantime, we are going to spend our time together, as a kid-less family, and hopefully work on some projects like painting/decorating the kid rooms.  As mentioned earlier, Dave did finish his first project - our kitchen table.  He really enjoyed it and is looking forward to starting his next project, which I think is a workbench, but says that will be easy.  I'm hoping the next big project will include a dresser for the "baby" room (I love giving hints to my husband through a blog).  He did such a great job with the table, I am confident that whatever he builds next will be equally impressive.  Here are better pictures of the completed table:

pre-paint/stain



all we need are chairs!

I also completed a mirror framing project that has been on my to-do list.  It was my first pinterest house project.  I think it turned out pretty well!

all you do is glue on these tiles you buy in sheets and...

whoalah!

Thanks again for everyone's support in your comments, prayers, thoughts, donations, and just being there for us!  We really appreciate it and couldn't do this without a community of support.

Love ya!!       

A Taste

We had the privilege of keeping our friends' 2 foster children for 4 days this past weekend/week.  It  gave us a taste of what it will be like to have little (or big ones) running around the house...and we LOVED it!  Although my friend was thanking us for keeping them, I think they did us the bigger favor.  As you know, my timeline of when we thought we'd  be open for kids continues to get pushed back.  This experience scratched my "foster care mommy" itch just perfectly enough to be content while we wait for God's perfect timing.  I think it will also allow me to better appreciate the time that Dave and I have before the craziness begins. 

I wish I could post pictures of the fun we had, but words will have to do.  I'll start with my "high/low."  These kids have a routine of telling their foster parents their high and low from each day...love it!  I think my greatest high was praying with these kids every night before they went to sleep.  We prayed for them, we prayed for their parents, we prayed that they would be reunited with their family, we prayed that they would love God and that they would share Jesus with their family.  How awesome is that??  What a blessing to be able to speak these words to them and to God!  Their foster parents have definitely done a great job sharing Jesus with them.  The older one has told her foster mom that when she grows up she is going to tell everyone about Jesus :)  I know I've said this before, but I can't think of a better blessing than to be able to be used by God to introduce Jesus to these kids.  I have a feeling this will always be my "high."

My "low" - hmmm.  It's really hard to think of one because it was really so much fun.  Granted I did spoil them more than I probably would if we had them long term.  But I wanted it to be more of a vacation for them.  It was also different because they weren't at their own house where they knew how to entertain themselves.  So I did a lot of "entertaining."  Ok so my low...this is going to sound super cheesy but it really was when we had to take them back.  Well maybe not right in that moment...it was nice to think of having the night to ourselves :)  But yesterday and today I've really been missing them.  I've been looking back at the pictures we took and wishing we had more time with them...crazy I know.  So this is not looking good, right?  If I feel this way after 4 days...how in the world am I going to deal with it when we have kids for weeks, months, or even a year!!  Even though it was a super tiny taste, I do feel like I know, or have an idea, of how it might feel.  No, I take that back...I probably still have no idea.  I can't even imagine.  Ugh...I have a feeling that this will definitely, always be my "low." 

For those that are curious, as I was, the dogs did PRETTY good.  They both got knocked down a few times (a little knocking around never hurt anyone, right??) but the older one was definitely more comfortable with them.  She could handle their "bounciness" a little better than the boy, who was eye level with them :)  The first minute or so of the greeting is when they were most bouncy and excited.  What was funny was that it was EVERY time the kids came or went anywhere.  So whether we left for 20 minutes or 4 hours, they got excited when they came back.  It also happened every day after nap time and ever morning when they came out of their room.  After that minute or so of excitement, they would calm down and be great with the kids.  They loved playing with them and were always curious about what they were up to.  The funniest was that Roxy was super protective of them...and in super protective, I mean she even felt like she had to protect them from Clark...poor Clark.  If we were ever in their room with the dogs, and Clark was trying to investigate their bags, toys, clothes, or whatever belonged to the kids, Roxy would get in between Clark and the kids' things and growl at him.  After he would go away, she would go over to their stuff and literally try to push their things back into their bags with her nose.  So funny!  I think the dogs' "high" was playing bubbles with the kids...and by playing, I mean catching them in their mouth when the kids blew them.  Their "low" was probably the same as mine...well for Roxy at least.  I don't think Clark noticed anything different...have I mentioned he is our "special" dog?  Roxy on the other hand...I'm not so sure fostering is going to the best for her.  She got super sad when they didn't come back.  The night they left she walked around the house whining.  Usually when she does that it's because she has to potty or is hungry or thirsty.  This time, nothing we did would make her stop.  Then in the morning she really wanted to go in their rooms to see if they were there.  It was so sad...she went in and sniffed all around looking for them, hoping they were just playing hide 'n seek...I'm sure that's exactly what she was thinking, right??  Haha.

Here are some other fun things we did:

• rode the DART train to a park (which included a very long walk to the park, which the kids were real troopers...next time I'll do a better job of planning out where we are going exactly instead of trying to wing it)
• walked to our neighborhood park and duck pond and played...when we didn't find any ducks, we had to go on a duck hunt to see where they were...no worries, we found them floating down a tiny creek
• went to church where the kids did a great job in their Sunday school class for BOTH services (Dave teaches an adult class and I volunteer in the children's ministry for the first service)
• went to a pump-it-up party for one of the girl's classmates
• got haircuts and had interesting conversations with their very interesting hairdresser, Christian
• made lots of fun food - mini fruit pizzas, nutella and banana toast (to which the girl said "this is just great"), blueberry waffles, and made food faces out of our lunches
• played wii Mario Kart (just look at all the valuable lessons we get to teach them...even how to drive!)
• looked for and found rolly pollys
• played Clark's favorite game called "chase the red laser" (Roxy is wayyyy too smart for that game)

So in conclusion, it was a great experience and it made me super excited to have "our own" foster kids.  I'll probably be writing another post here in a few days to update everyone on our status and what is going on with our agency. 

See you again real soon! :)       

update

Hello all!
Sorry that it has been so long since my last post.  Not a whole lot has happened since then, so there hasn't been a lot to write about.  I did want to write a quick update just for those that are curious...

We did finish our training...woo hoo!  It was nice to get it done so quickly, but those 2 weeks were LONG!  After our training we had 2 more things to get done, which were fingerprinting and physicals.  Fingerprints are done and we are having a slight hiccup in scheduling Dave's physical.  We didn't realize that getting a physical would take so much planning, but apparently doctors are quite booked when it comes to giving physicals.  Dave's family doctor cannot get him in for a physical until March 19th!  Seriously??  He tried to go to a walk-in-clinic but they would not do it because the form requests medical history.  Grrrrrr.  So...I have bugged the sweet lady who handles the application process at our agency enough to where she is asking the person in charge of homestudies and the agency director if they can make an exception for us.  Normally, you have to have every singular piece of paperwork in before they schedule your homestudy.  I'm hoping that since we are just waiting around until the 19th to get Dave's physical done, we can go ahead and schedule/do our homestudy.  We shall see.  We found all this out today and although it was frustrating, I trust that God's timing is absolutely perfect.  So as much as I had planned to be doing our homestudy by next week, God's plan may look different than that, and He probably (okay definitely) knows what's best for us.  To be completely honest, as much as I am "ready" to start taking in foster children, it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world if we didn't have kids until end of May/beginning of June because I would be out of school and therefore would not have to worry about daycare...if we get that are under school-age of course.  Plus it would give us more time to do fun projects around the house that we have wanted to do before kids get here.

Speaking of projects, Dave has been busy building us a kitchen table!  I love that he loves to do things like that.  He got some pretty sweet tools and has already started a list of things he wants to build for us.  Here is said list:
1.  workbench
2.  dog house
3.  dresser/changing table
4.  wood countertops for the kitchen (yes please!!)
5.  bunk bed frame

Those are the things I can think of off the top of my head, but I'm sure he could add a few to that list.  Isn't he handy??  Again, I love that he loves projects like this.  Our kitchen table is turning out very nice.  And it's his first project with all his fancy tools...I'd say he's doing a fantastic job!  Here is a picture of the tabletop:

It will still be sanded and stained.  We are deciding on if we want a dark stain for the top with a white base, legs and chairs.  OR a light stain for the top with a fun color for the base, legs, and chairs...like green or yellow (feel free to vote).  This is my job apparently and I'm not that great at making decisions.  I'm usually great at narrowing it down to 2, but then take forever deciding.  If it's clothes, I usually just end up getting both.  If it's food, you can usually get it in some sort of combo.  This even goes back to my younger days.  When I was in high school I really wanted to get a bike.  I wasn't sure if I wanted a road bike or a mountain bike, so I got a hybrid.  Has anyone ever bought a hybrid??  It's kinda ridiculous.  It's definitely not a good bike to "race" in because you are pedaling however many times more than those that have a road bike and the tires are not quite durable enough to handle the bumps and rocks of mountain biking.  So it's great for a stroll around the neighborhood, but that's about it.  And yes, I did do the MS150 (the bike "race" from Houston to Austin) TWICE in my totally useful  useless hybrid.  I was definitely regretting my decision when road bikes would whiz by and it seemed as though the rider was barely pedaling.  So....all that to say, I'll probably come up with some crazy combo of stain and paint colors that seems really good at the time, but in the end will fail miserably.  Again, feel free to vote and help me from not making that mistake :)  Luckily, Dave is really good at decision making and he has a great eye for things like this. 

Other than working on our kitchen table in our spare time, we haven't been up to a whole lot.  Our fabulous friends threw us a foster care shower and we are super grateful for our friends and family who came and gave us their support.  (If you are seeing this and thinking "why wasn't I invited?" I apologize.  We struggled with the invite list as we knew it wasn't a "typical" shower and we are really not good at asking people for things...something we definitely need to work on, or just get over.)  I am just so thankful that we have such a great community to walk this journey with us and care for the orphans right alongside us.  Even the women in our new community group are offering cribs, pack 'n plays, clothes, toys, etc....wow, such a huge blessing!!  I don't know how we could do this without our family and community...so thank you! 

Hopefully I will be writing again soon to say that our homestudy is scheduled!  If not, I'll keep you updated with our fun projects that keep us busy while we eagerly wait. 

Breaking Point

Well we are more than 1/2 way done with our training!  We have 2 more evenings (this Monday and Tuesday) and we'll be DONE!  Then on to our home study and writeup.  We still have about 3 more things to do on our "list," but hoping to get those done this week and next.  As you saw in my last post, our health/safety inspection was delayed because of our backyard renovation.  But, now that the yard is pretty much done, we should be able to schedule it next week.  For those that are not on facebook or haven't seen it...here is what is looks like now:



flagstone rock with Mexican beach pebbles in between

We want to put in some plants, but that might not happen right away.  So other than some cleanup, it is pretty much done!  Dave's friend, AJ, and a few of his guys did a great job...I love how unique it is.

So at yesterday's training we were asked what I think is our hardest question yet - "What is my breaking point?"  Among other things, the person presenting, Lisa, is in charge of what are called "placement breakdowns."  This means that a family gets a placement and something happens that makes the adults say "that's enough, these kids need to leave."  Which means, after the trauma and craziness that has already happened in these kids' lives, they are once again moved to a different foster family who can hopefully "handle" them.  From her questions and obvious frustration (rightfully so), this apparently happens more than I'd like to think.  I know we haven't had any kids yet and have no idea what it's actually like, but this is so frustrating to think about.  I know there are situations where it's completely understandable and better for the kids if they are moved, but I don't get it.  Isn't this what you sign up for when you take kids into your home?  So, Lisa's point in asking everyone this question is that we would truly figure out what "type" of behaviors or kids that we would not be able to foster.  That way, when they are placing children in your home, they can find ones that are the best fit for your family and in doing this will hopefully prevent a placement breakdown.  Lisa said the top 2 answers were physical aggression and acting out sexually.  In our group, some of the answers were aggression towards animals, threatening the lives of other people in the family, and kids with special needs.  Our answer was nothing.  Lisa didn't like that.  She said there has been too many times where people have sat in our chairs and said "there is no kid I can't foster," and then the next thing she knows they are calling her with a breakdown.  So she pushed us...as she should.  She said things like "what if they hurt your pets? what if they wipe feces on the walls? what if they are autistic? have downs syndrome? what if they act out sexually towards me (that one was directed toward Dave)?"  As I listened to her questions, of course I wanted to say "no thank you to all of those."  (Thinking of a kid hurting, or even killing, Clark or Roxy...are you kidding me??  I'm tearing up just thinking about it.)  Dave's response, of course, was "bring it on."  But isn't that stupid of us??  Shouldn't we set boundaries??  This is where I'm at today and I need your prayers. 

I know we are starting out and it would be smart of us to start with "easy" kids, but I feel guilty setting boundaries.  I feel like that is me not trusting that God will give us the right kids, and a situation that we can handle.  I feel like it's not fair that we get to "pick" our kids.  When you have biological kids you don't get to pick if your kids will have certain behaviors or disabilities.  You have no idea if they will grow up to be physically aggressive, or sexually active at a young age, or autistic, or defiant, or whiney.  And you certainly can't call someone with your biological kids and say "these aren't really working for our family, can I have different ones?"  So why should I get to pick?  Of course when you have biological kids you do choose the environment they grow up in and the care that you give them, so in that sense your kids are not "as likely" to have some of these behaviors that foster kids might have.  But God did not choose for us to have biological kids, right now.  So if we are trusting that His plan is good, then what do our boundaries look like?  Isn't that saying "ok God, I'll go down this path you are asking me to walk, but only to a certain point."  I understand that God probably isn't asking us to put ourselves on the altar for foster kids, but how do I know what we can and can't handle?  I want to be honest with myself so that we don't bring more trauma to a kid whose already been through so much.  I know Dave and I are committed to that, so I want to be realistic.  But I also know that we can probably "handle" more than some just because of my experience in working with special needs kids and Dave's willingness to handle any situation God gives him.  So if God has equipped us with these abilities, shouldn't we use them?  I honestly don't know what to do.  

For now, although I know Dave would be open to anyone and everyone (and I love him for that), I think we will set an age boundary of 0-10.  Even with that - do we know anyone with kids above the age of 5ish that could support us?  One of my friends that does foster care says that when you get babies the "stuff" pours in (clothes, diapers, food, gear, etc.), but as the age of kids you get gets older, the less stuff you get from your community.  Which sort of makes sense - the majority of our friends don't have "stuff" for 10 year olds.  So does it make sense to walk into something knowing that we will need support and probably not receive it?  Or, again, do we just trust that God will provide and not give us something that we can't handle. 

So...please pray for us as we think about and decide other boundaries that we might need to set, such as level of care (there are 4 levels of care based on the needs of the child...starting with basic, then moderate, etc.).  After talking with the same friend, I think I've decided that boundaries are good.  As she said - "boundaries are good in all areas of your life, so why not foster care?"  But I still struggle with feeling guilty about it, and mainly because it seems like I'm not trusting God if I set boundaries for us.  I think I need to let that go.  I think that is a pride issue, saying/thinking that I can do anything.  I know pride is going to be a slippery slope as we walk down this road of sacrifice, and I know I need to keep that in check.  I think I need to learn that it's okay to not be "open" to any kid right now.  I think it's okay to start out with "easy" kids with the intention of growing and being able to take on older and more difficult kids as we gain experience.  And when we get calls for kids that are pushing our boundaries, I know I need to learn how to say "no."  I know I have so much to learn, I just hope that it's not at the expense of the kids.  Again, I'm just praying and trusting that God's plan IS good for us and He will bring the right kids into our home.     

Who is "nesting?"

A good friend that read my last post said what I was doing was called "nesting."  Maybe it's different because we are getting foster kids, but maybe it's not.  Anyways, I came home to this today and I have just one question..."WHO is doing the nesting around here??"

that's my hot, strong husband in the red

Is this normally what husbands do a month before your kids arrive?? 

Just jokes.  Apparently a pipe busted on Monday when we happened to have a friend over who is going to fix our retaining wall.  When it rains it pours, right?  So our entire backyard is currently in shambles...very muddy shambles right now as it is literally pouring outside.  We were actually wanting to take up the concrete deck and put something new in...we just weren't thinking it would be this soon.  Needless to say, we will be holding of on our health and safety inspection until we have a functional backyard :)  It also means that my hopes of decorating a nursery is definitely getting squashed.  Something tells me this is God showing me His control.

On a side note - another funny story.  I couldn't find my keys this morning when leaving for work and had looked everywhere.  Finally I remembered throwing an apple core in our garage trash can when I came home from work yesterday and sure enough, there they were.  That's not really the funny part.  This is not the first time I've thrown my keys away when throwing something else in the trash.  Only last time it was much worse because it was down our apartment trash chute...at 5 in the morning...a very cold morning I might add.  You see before we lived in our house, we lived in an apartment = taking the dog out every morning as soon as you wake up.  So, being not quite awake, I hook Roxy up to the leash, grab my keys, and the trash bag sitting outside our door.  I throw the trash down the chute and walk Roxy downstairs and out the door to the grassy area so she can potty.  We come trotting back and I realize I don't have my keys.  That's when I realized I must have dropped them down the chute and now cannot get back into the building.  I decided to wait a few minutes for someone to come out, but quickly realized no one gets up that early in our building apparently.  So I decided I had no other choice but to jump in the dumpster and search for my keys.  It was awful people, truly awful.  I will not describe the stuff I had to dig through...truly awful.  LUCKILY this particular trash chute opened up to 2 dumpsters, so I not only had the joy of searching through one...it was like a daily double!  My lucky day, right?  So I'd search for about 10 minutes, get frustrated, sit by the door and cry for a few minutes (meanwhile Roxy has no idea what is going on and is licking my tears away), then jump back in and look some more.  After about 30 minutes of that, I hear the door open while I'm in one of the dumpsters, covered in trash mind you.  So I jump up and yell "wait!!"  I climb out of the dumpster and start crying as I'm trying to explain to this poor Hispanic man that doesn't speak good English.  Luckily he understood enough (or felt sorry for me, or just wanted to get away from the crazy girl in the dumpster) and let me in.  So now, it's about 5:30ish and I go upstairs to our apartment to bang on the door to try to wake Dave up.  My sweet husband opens the door, still groggy of course, and I just burst into tears...again.  He was so worried that something terrible happened and I couldn't get any words out to tell him it was just my keys.  So...after calming down we both go downstairs to continue looking and we decide that to do a thorough look we have to empty everything out of the dumpsters.  After not finding it in the first dumpster (of course..it's always in the second dumpster, right??), we begin emptying the second.  We pull this small to medium size Christmas tree out and we hear the sweet jingle jangle of my keys.  I had forgotten how sweet that sound was until this morning when I shook our garbage can and heard it again.  It made me happy.  I love it when you can look back on stories that were completely dreadful at the time, and laugh.  Now here are pictures of my snuggly dogs, who also make me happy...

the tear licker who is always concerned about us and where we are

the slow, soft, borderline creepy licker (think Marvin Gaye, "Let's Get it On"),
who cares more about chasing bugs or lint than where we are....we sure do love him though!!

  This is by far my most random post yet...thanks for listening.

Expecting

No, we are not pregnant...technically.  Just jokes.  I really do not consider myself pregnant in any sense, although I do feel as though we are expecting kids.  I don't know what it's like to have a baby growing inside of you and be "expecting," but lately I've been wondering if the emotional side is anything like what I'm feeling.  When you get pregnant, you have roughly 9 months to "expect" your baby and, for the most part, you know pretty much what they will need.  Although some people choose not to know the sex of the baby, you do know that they will be a day 1 old infant.  So with that you know that they will need things like...a crib and/or a pack n' play, changing table, infant clothes, infant diapers, infant car seat, stroller, etc....I'm sure you moms out there could add to that list.  With us it's a little different...as I'm finding out more and more, 'different' is going to be our norm.  Instead of 9 months, we will have had about 4.  Are we 'expecting' a toddler? an infant? a school age kid? a boy? a girl? will they have behavior issues (I guess you could say, what kid doesn't?)?  will they have learning issues?  This has been challening for me as I am a person who likes to know and to have a plan.  I am one who would definitely find out the sex of the baby.  It would make me feel more prepared.  I don't feel at all prepared for the kids that are coming.  I know I need to let that go because God will prepare us and our home, but it isn't easy.  All of a sudden I feel this urge, or need, to prepare a nursery, or buy a kitchen table that's been on our "wish list" since we moved in, or get new carpet before the kids come...the list goes on.  I wonder if this is what you do when you are "expecting" or if it's my way of trying to prepare for something that is so ambiguous.  Either way, I know it's definitely something I need to work on.  These kids don't need a house with new carpet.  Or a perfectly set up room with newly painted walls (they probably won't even mind that we have popcorn ceilings).  Or even a kitchen table to eat on (yes, we do have a dining table...we would not be sitting on the floor to eat).  These kids need something way more important.  They need love.  They need Jesus.  They need consistancy.  They need structure.  They need care.  None of these things cost money or take any amount of preparation....other than lots of prayer :)  When I remind myself of this I feel more prepared.  

However...our agency does require a tad more..as they should.  Since about mid-December we have been filling out paperwork, gathering documents, getting our house inspected, etc.  Here are a few things that are on "the list":

• a 2-part survey
• 23 page application with essay questions and scenarios...here is what helped me get through that:



just jokes, it wasn't that bad

• copies of things like driver licenses, social security cards, marriage certificate, pay stubs, pet vaccinations, insurance cards (health and car), and diplomas
• a floor plan (have you every made a floor plan of your house?  it's not so easy...or at least it wasn't for me)
• a fire escape plan...here is a picture of ours...i'm quite proud of it:

yes i measured every room, hallway, and closet

• house photos
• registered dogs with the city
• fire inspection (thank goodness for foster kids...apparently we only had 1 working smoke detector in our house...see, they are blessing us already!) 

what we needed for our house to be "fire safe"



couldn't pass up the "after-Christmas sale isle"...score!!

So, that bring us pretty much up to date.  We have a few more things left on the list including a health inspection (hopefully will be done this week or next), disaster plan, fingerprints, physicals, and TB tests.  Our first training is this coming Saturday.  We'll go all day for 2 Saturdays in a row, as well as 2 Monday evenings and 2 Tuesday evenings.  By February 7th we should have everything done on our end to be "prepared" for kids.  Our agency will still need to do our homestudy and writeup before we are "open."

One last thing - thank you for all your kind words and prayers about my last post.  I really feel like our family and friends are walking this road with us as they support us and pray for us.  It's definitely appreciated, so thank you.  Again, my hope for this blog is just to keep you all informed on what is going on and how God is working in our lives.  I hope that people will look at our story and see God and just how amazing HE is.  We are so excited to continue walking down this path He has laid for us!     

our story and what you can do

I thought it would be appropriate to start with "our story" to give people a little insight into how we got where we are now - which is getting ready to be foster parents for those that may not know. It has not been the easiest road and I know it will only get harder, but we are SO incredibly thankful for where God has taken us and excited to walk in this with Him.  Oh and get comfortable - this is a long one!

I guess it started about a year ago when we decided we wanted to start a family.  We tried for several months and soon came to realize that maybe God had other plans for us.  This was extremely hard for me, Kristy, to accept.  I didn't understand why it was so easy for others and why God would choose not to "bless" us in that way.  One of our close friends were doing foster care during this time and although I was aware of this option, I never imagined us going down THAT road.  To be honest, I never thought I would be content without a biological child.  Throughout our 10 or so months of "trying" I had feelings like - "I'll miss out on stuff that you can't have with foster/adoptive kids (pregnancy, baby showers, sonograms, the day you find out what you are having, giving birth, etc.)", "what will people think?", "people won't look at us like 'real' parents," "people will think that we settled for adoption."  All these thoughts had such a hold on my heart, and now I'm almost ashamed to say them.  Then something cool happened - God changed my heart.  Each month we didn't get pregnant, I could feel those thoughts and feelings loosen and not really matter all that much.  Through scripture, prayer, my sweet husband, and friends, God showed me that those things aren't important.  I've learned so many things throughout this process.  I've realized that God's plan is soverign and He knows me better than I know myself.  That only God can make your heart content.  That it's not about me and what I want for our family - it's about serving God.  That "our" kids will not be "ours" whether they are biological or adopted...they belong to God. That you have to find joy in the plans that God has laid out for your life, even if it's not what you want or expected.  And that you can and should figure out a way to turn your disappointment into a blessing.  We truly feel blessed that we are able to serve God in this way and take care of the fatherless.  I would have never expected to feel this way a year ago.

So - after about 10 or so months of trying we decided that we are not going to take "expensive" or "drastic" measure to try to get pregnant.  We realized that we just wanted a family - it didn't matter where they came from.  We were invited to attend an adoption conference in October (I think) where our eyes and ears and hearts became open to adoption.  We actually started out thinking we would do international or domestic adoption.  I remember thinking "fostering is just too scary and sad."  International/domestic adoptin felt "safe" and "easier."  Umm hello - hadn't I learned anything through all of this??  God doesn't usally ask us to do the "easy" or "safe" things, does He?  One of my friends said "if your life is easy, you're probably not doing the right thing."  So after dinner and discussion with this said friend and her husband (who now are on their 3rd placement of foster kids and have adopted a beautiful baby boy...check out God's AMAZING story for this boy here), God fully loosened those strongholds that were on my heart and gave me a DESIRE to be a foster parent.  Crazy, huh?  Psalm 37:4 had a new meaning.  These were certainly not my desires when we started on this journey, but God gave them to me.  What a blessing!  I remember Dave and I also thinking "how can we not?"  Our eyes had been opened to the need and we were reminded and made more aware of God's calling for everyone to "look after orphans."  We realize that everyone is not called to adopt or foster, but we do believe that everyone is called to care for the fatherless in some way.  We are just thankful that God has given us this opportunity to serve Him in this way.  And don't get me wrong, we are not doing it "all" correctly...by any means.  God calls us to do a lot of things and there are certainly areas where we need to do better. 

I think that bring us pretty much to today.  We made the decision to move forward with foster care about 2 months ago and we've been trying to prepare our home and hearts for what comes next.  So what comes next you ask?  Well...after completing our "to do" list from our agency (more on that later) and each filling out our 29 page application (well actually Dave has already done his and I have yet to start, although I set a '3-page-a-day' goal about a week ago), we will take training classes at the end of January/beginning of February.  Then, as far as I know, we will just have our homestudy (which can take a while, or so I've heard), until we are open for kids! I'm expecting that we will have kids in our home around late March-early April. 

Again - we are so thankful for "our story" which is really God's story that He graciously chose to include us on.  We know it's not going to be easy and although I talked a lot about my changing of heart, I certainly still have days where I'm scared, nervous, anxious, fearful, and sad.  But I know this is where we are supposed to be and I know God will carry us through.  I think we are mostly excited about loving kids who need love, God's love.  Sharing Jesus with them and showing them what a life with God can look like.  Every time I think of these things I think "wow! how lucky ARE we??"  I know there will days where I don't feel so "lucky," but I'm hoping the good days will outweigh the bad. 

So - what can you do?  Pray.  Please pray for us.  Pray for the kids that are coming.  Pray that God will give us the right words to say to make them feel welcome.  Pray that they will end up in a home that looks to Jesus...whether that be our home or someone else's.  Pray that God will prepare us for this journey.  Thank you so much for listening and being a part of this with us.  You are already helping just by praying.  We thank you for that!!

Now that I've caught you up to speed, I'm excited to share this journey with you!  Thanks for reading - I know it was a long one.