Celebrating

Hi. It's me.  I know it's been over 2 years since I have blogged, but the past couple of weeks/months I have felt God telling me to tell our story, His story, and what He is doing with us.  I don't even know where to start, so I'm just going to start with our news, His news.  We are pregnant.  With TWINS.  What??  I know.  I can't even.  I've wanted to announce this since the day we found out, which was quite a long time ago (I'm 22 weeks tomorrow), but a couple of things have stopped me.  #1 - I feel like this "announcement" deserves more than a simple, facebook post.  There are just so many words and feels that I have about God's faithfulness in our lives.  #2 - I want to be super sensitive to people going through infertility issues, and I know what it's like to see one more baby announcement on facebook. 

So...I guess I'm doing it this way because there's so much more to our story, His story, than an announcement and although I want to be sensitive to those struggling with infertility, I feel like God wants me to share our story because it's His story and it's pretty amazing...who knew?  Ashamedly, I sure didn't.  I doubted.  I was angry.  I fought the process.  I threw tantrums.  And He was still faithful.  Regardless of my faithless-ness, He was faithful. 

I never wanted this to be our story.  I never woke up one day and said "Dave, let's wait on having biological kids and do foster care instead."  If I had had it my way, we would have been pregnant right away and had a much different life, I'm assuming, than we have now.  But guys, this story, His story, is so much better than any story I could have written.  It's messy but beautiful.  It's hard but life-giving.  And I can't believe I would ever say something like this (that sounds kind of cliché-ish), but I'm truly thankful He wrote our story this way and I wouldn't trade it for my story any day.  I think about who we would have missed out on if we had our way.  Those kids.  That mom.  Those friends.  Those little blessings along the way.  Those moments of knowing you are exactly where God wants you to be.  It's just amazing at how good He is.  And you know what?  He would still be good if this isn't how our story turned out.  I know that's easy for me to say sitting here, with 2 (what???) babies in my tummy, but I now truly KNOW that His plans are good.  And our "good" is not always His "good."  But I have experienced His "good" over my "good" and I can tell you that I wouldn't trade it for my "good."  And so I have to believe that regardless of what happens, even with these 2 tiny humans in my tummy, that His good is for my good. 

Ok, so most of you probably know our story, His story, but for those that don't know the whole story, here is a recap...

2010 - started trying to have kids...tried for about a year, my dr had no explanation as to why we couldn't get pregnant...tried some rounds of medication

2011 - studying James at the time...James 1:27 - "Religion that God our father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."  Hmmm...maybe God is trying to tell us to do something while we wait on biological kids...attended a Tapestry conference, had dinner with some friends...realized the need for foster parents...began the process of becoming foster parents


Clearly we needed kids.

2012 - studying Genesis at the time...Genesis 1:27 - "So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them."  Received first foster placement in June and decided we would always root for birth family if at all appropriate and see them, as well as the kids God put in our home, as image bearers of God with infinite value...therefore started trying to connect and build a relationship with the birth mom of first foster kids


  These kids are my faves.  Forever.

2013 - first placement went home in May; studying Nehemiah at the time...Nehemiah 1:11 "...I was cupbearer to the king."  I know, that makes no sense.  But the point is that God put Nehemiah in this specific position to the king and God also gave Nehemiah a heart for his people who were suffering.  Nehemiah knew at that point that he was the one who was supposed to and had the ability to do something about it.  Towards the end of our first foster placement, I was sitting at Bible study at our church and our women's pastor made an announcement that there was a community group looking to help out a single mom.  I was like "yes! perfect!  I know a single mom that is about to need a ton of help when she gets her kids back!"  so a couple of frustrating email exchanges led me to realize this group was wanting a "Saturday project" not a 6 month+ investment.  I was mad about this because hello, she needed relationships/mentors/financial assistance/etc and here our church was only wanting to come fix a washer and dryer or repaint the house some Saturday...not the true need.  And if our church isn't stepping up and doing things like this, then who?  Oh wait, maybe me?  Surely not me though because come on, I did foster her kids for 11 months...isn't that enough?  Then I remember Nehemiah...maybe God put ME in this position and gave ME a heart for this mom for a reason.  Ugh.  I didn't want to realize it.  It would mean putting "our family" on hold and not fostering or getting potential adoptive placements for an indefinite amount of time.  But we did, mainly because I have a better half who is way more gracious and patient than I am.  So...we moved her in along with the kids 2.5 months later. 

Aug 2013-Feb 2014 - hardest 7 months of my life.  but y'all...also the BEST.  this mom, she's great.  she's a fighter.  she wants to do right.  she's precious.  she's made in God's image.  she makes mistakes like we all do.  she needs forgiveness, like I SURELY do.  she taught me so much.  God taught me so much.  Stuff about myself that I didn't really want to know.  We both made mistakes.  I wanted to be full of grace and I was not.  I wanted "thank you's" and appreciation and I didn't get them when I needed them.  I wanted her to see our sacrifice and maybe even feel the pain of it too.  Ugly stuff y'all.  And I'm supposed to be the mature, adult here.  But there was a lot of beauty in our mess too.  I love going back and looking at pictures during that time.  The smile she had on her face.  The adventures.  The tv shows we watched after the kids went to bed (FNL will always be "our" show...such greatness).  The talks.  The changes we saw in her.  So yes it was good but hard...the kind of hard that stretches you and makes you grow and makes you become a better version of you....the kind that draws you closer to Him.  I'm so thankful for her.  In the end, she left and it was hard and not exactly the fairytale I wanted it to be, but it was real and imperfect and we all learned a lot in those 7 months.  And by God's grace we still have an awesome relationship with her and I can't imagine my life without her.

Yes I made her come to the gym with me.

Apparently we watched Devious Maids.

Cooked her first lasagna.

Cannot imagine missing out on this.

2014 - decided to switch agencies which meant more paperwork, homestudy update, blah blah blah....more TIME.  meanwhile we are still "trying" to get pregnant off and off with things like ovulation kits, acupuncture, etc.  we were FINALLY back on the list by august and enter 3 year old boy and 6 year old girl.  again, with the intention of rooting for and getting to know birth family.  we were led to believe this would be a relatively "easy" case, not lasting too long, kids would be returned fairly quickly.  HA. 

 Our minion who makes me laugh and cry...our super girl

who is guarded and a drama queen all at the same time.

2015 - roller coaster of a case continues...will we adopt, will we not?  are these our forever kids, are they not?  should we advocate for parents, should we not?  kids are wonderful/hard/typical foster kids.  they are completely opposite our first placement, but also the same.  we love them dearly, and they love their family dearly.  it's a hard case, we don't know who to root for sometimes, but we are thankful that ultimately it's not up to a caseworker or a judge or the parents.  we rest in the fact that God is in control and knows what's GOOD for these kids...which may not be what we think is "good."  meanwhile, beginning of 2015, we start seeing a fertility specialist.  not knowing exactly how far we wanted to pursue "treatment"...if anything we maybe just wanted to get an explanation to 5 years of infertility.  in march I had a laparoscopy where they basically clean out all my baby making parts, which apparently had cysts and whatnot in/on them.  in june we did a course of super ovulation and IUI treatment and BAM....TWINS!! ahhhhh!  so grateful.  so thankful.  I can't even put it into words.

So here is our "announcement picture" that I've debated posting on facebook, but decided that it's more than just a facebook post that needs to be said....

Lord willing, the twins (boy and girl...eeeek!!) will be here in March and we are waiting to see if we will also have a certain minion and Elsa with us too!  We could know about that in December or it could be February before a decision is made.

And guys I just want to make sure I am super clear on this.  This is all God's doing.  All God's timing.  Everything is His.  I don't believe that He just decided to give us babies because we fulfilled our "calling" of foster parents first.  Or because we might possibly adopt these kids.  Or because we got treatment.  It has nothing to do with us and everything to do with Him.  I think He gave us this "waiting" because He wanted us to do something with it.  We studied the parable of the talents this week in church (Matthew 25:14-30) and in Bible study this morning our speaker challenged us to think of these "talents," which were given to each servant according to their own abilities, as trials.  We tend to think of these "talents" as things God has blessed us with, or gifts.  But if we look with an eternal perspective at "blessings" and "gifts" maybe sometimes they come in the form of a trial.  Maybe infertility was our "talent."  And this is just the story that He wrote for us.  It's not everyone's story that deals with infertility.  One of the many frustrations of infertility is when someone tells you "just do ____ and then you'll get pregnant."  or "oh I know a friend who did _____ and then got pregnant."  That is not what I'm saying.  I am not saying everyone who is infertile should go do foster care first and then God will give you babies.  God has a different story for everyone.  Maybe what I'm saying is that God gives us "stuff," some we see as good and some we see as not good, but it is good in God's eyes and it's for our good and His glory.  And if we invest these things in the kingdom, God produces fruit and it is beautiful.  And the fruit may not even seem "good" to us all the time....maybe it's just growing your relationship with Him, which is not always fun.  But it's for His glory and for His purposes. 

Thanks for reading this incredibly, long, overdue post.  We are excited, thrilled, nervous, scared, etc....but mainly just celebrating.  Thanks for celebrating with us. 

Open-ish

Well once again, this is long past due...and most people probably already know...but I did want to make it official.  We are back on the list, but it's a different sort of list.  It's a list where you are only open for former foster children and their mother.  Our agency will not let us go back on
"the" list because of that (for good reasons, I understand), so I'm making my own list and putting us on it...so there!  If all goes as planned, which what ever does, we'll be getting a "placement" next Monday, the 15th.  I also have a gut feeling that our placement will include a 3 year old, 4 year old, and 20 year old....and I also have a feeling I already know their names.

So...I'll answer the questions that we typically get and that you may, or may not, be thinking.

Q - Is this normal?
A - For us yes, since this is/was our first placement :)  But no, I don't think typically this is normal, which is really disappointing to us the more we think about it and the more we realize how easy it has been to develop a relationship with the kids' mom and let her know that we don't just love her kids, we love her too, and the whole family as a matter of fact.  And I'm not saying AT ALL that people aren't doing it "right" (I use that term very loosely, as by no means do I think we are doing things "right" most of the time) when they don't reach out to the birth family, because I understand there are certainly cases where that is not safe, or whatever.  And I also understand that not all birth mothers/families/etc are as open to help and a relationship with their kids' foster parents as this mom is, but I do think that there is a problem when no one has heard of this...and these are people whose JOB it is to deal with these cases.  I'm also not saying that in order to help them, or love them, you have to offer your house to them...but I wonder how many cases where the foster family stays in their lives, at all...I'm guessing that is also rare.  Anyways, to answer the question more directly...all the people involved in "okay-ing" this situation (caseworkers, attorneys, judges, etc) have never heard of this happening.  And having said all of that, it just makes it that much more evident that God is totally at work here, making the impossible possible...I mean really, just sit for a second and put yourself in her shoes....would you do it? 

Q - Why are you doing this?
A - Because we are having such a hard time letting go of the kids, and we just want more time with them - is so not the answer.  Not that we don't love these kids and sure it was hard letting them go, but that is not WHY we are doing this.  First of all, we are doing this because God has clearly opened doors for this to happen and honestly we are just walking through them, trying to be obedient to what we think God's plan is for this family.  We feel like God has made it clear that we are not done serving Him through this family and so we are just taking what we feel is the next step in loving them.  I don't know that there is a "second of all," but we are doing this to help her make a better life for herself.  We feel like she wants to and has good intentions of doing that, but just needs help and love and opportunities to succeed, which we can give her.

Q - Are you giving her a timeline?
A - Not exactly.  This is obviously not a forever thing...one of our many goals for her is that she would learn to live independently with her children.  So when we feel like she is able to do that, then we'll kick them out, so to speak.  Or maybe she'll be running out the door with them :)  There are definitely things she needs to accomplish before that happens, but it's hard to say how long those things will take and when exactly she'll be ready to be on her own....something she has never done before.  Probably in both of our heads, it looks like it will be about a year, but we aren't giving her a move out date of July 15, 2014.

Q - Are you giving her rules?
A - We are setting some expectations for her, yes.  The biggest one that sort of includes all of the little things, is that we want her to be moving forward with her life.  So if we see that is not happening, then we don't see a point to them being here.  So what does that look like?  To me it would look like parenting her children, doing school, working, going to church, etc. 

Q - Is it going to be awkward with the kids and figuring out who parents them?
A - Absolutely.  But we'll figure it out and ultimately she is their parent.  One of our expectations is that she is fully responsible for them.  As evidence of her choice of where to live, she definitely wants help, and I don't mind helping her.  But again, the goal is that she learns to parent them independently.
The great thing is that the kids have 3 adults-ish who they live with who love them and want what's best for them.  Maybe it will be awkward for a bit, or the whole time, but it will be worth it.

Q - So when can you take more kids?
A - When they move out.  Our agency will not let us take in more kids while they are living with us.  So...that is the most difficult part about this, for me at least.  I still desire to have a baby, and forever kids, and I feel like this is just once again putting that desire on hold.  All of the feelings that I felt when we couldn't get pregnant are back.  Why?  Why would God not want to give us that?  I think He forgot the plan.  See the plan was that we would invest 11 months of our lives into these kids and then He would send us our baby, right?  That was the plan, right?  That seems fair.  I mean, we do have a beautiful white crib (that was, by the way, still set up the entire 11 months they were here...that whole "if you build it, they will come" thing totally doesn't work) and a white rocking chair, a super cute white tree painted on the grey nursery walls, the perfect grey and yellow sheets to match, and even a yellow lamp.  Come on people, it was the perfect plan.  Nope, God has something EVEN more perfect in mind...I just need to trust Him.  I think He's saying something like "remember when you told people that you weren't in this to build your family, that you were in this to serve Me?  well, here we go....it's not about you Kristy, or your silly nursery, or your silly timeline....it's about Me, and you laying down your life for Me....putting aside your plans, and your expectations, and just following Me."  And how can you argue with that?  So I'm working on it.  Actually, I did it...I took down the crib.  And we set up this, and I had a TON of fun doing it:

All that to say, I really am super excited to have her, and the kids, in our house.  I'm sure it's going to be crazy, hard, fun, awkward, exciting, and and rewarding.  And the great thing is we have a community of people that love us and can help us love her, and the kids.  Thanks so much for asking questions and praying and just wanting to help.  We really appreciate it and love you guys!

Oh also - this little/big move means we FINALLY got a king size bed.  No more waking up in the middle of the night curled up in the fetal position because Clark has somehow managed to push me all the way to the edge of the bed....or at least I'm hoping that will solve that problem, because you know, I can't think of any other solution, like say not letting him on the bed....come on!  He's so cute!

And since I finally got my king size bed, it ALSO meant that Dave got his big TV that he's been wanting and he set up this sweet little gaming and movie watching spot for the kids with our old TV, specifically for little brother so he can play the racing game when Dave wants to watch sports:

super fun, right?

So I know this might sound stupid because we are talking about new TV's and beds and whatnot, but God has given me joy in making our home their home....something I really didn't expect to have when taking down the crib, or setting up her room.  Our God is so good, people.  He really is.  I know this next part of our lives will be hard, but I love that I get to hold on to these truths - 1. God is good, all the time 2.  God builds families, and He isn't confined to a set of rules that an agency would have  3.  His plan is absolutely perfect...which is way better than any plan I could come up with.

Kristy         

Numbers

11 - the number of months the kids have been with us as of this past Monday

8 - the number of days we have left with the kids....yes they are going home...we got THE call on Monday....they will leave our house May 31....yes it will be the hardest thing I've ever done to pack them up and let them go....yes we will do it again....yes we are taking a break...yes we have high hopes of keeping a relationship with them and their family

4 - the hour on Saturday that we will drop them off with their family for an overnight visit

10:35 - the time of the church service their mom (and maybe Grandma) is coming to, to drop them back off with us after their overnight....YES she is COMING to CHURCH with US....praise Jesus...please pray that it would go well and she will feel welcomed and know that there is a community that loves her, and their precious kids, at our church...if you go to Northwest and know us and have supported us, please come find us and introduce yourselves...we would love for you to meet her

7,384 - the number of times they've made me laugh

7,385 - the number of times they've made me cry (joking...they are wonderful)

43ish - the number of times I did little mama's hair

2 - the number of ER visits in 11 months (big brother - asthma, little mama - staples in the head)

2 - the number of dental surgeries

32ish - the number of "Foster Fridays" we've had since they came...with super amazing friends who have helped us TREMENDOUSLY and walked through this first placement with us...love love love you guys...a million thanks

300ish - the number of times we read a book on the couch before bed

1 - the number of times someone fell in the pool...oops

1 billion - the number of times I've heard "Kiki" in the past 11 months (although I'm now also referred to as "Kiks" thanks to Dave)

2 - the number of pee-wee sport seasons we played

37 - the number of times big brother spilled his drink at the dinner table...just kidding...maybe...it could be accurate

640ish - the number of times I applied lotion to their stinking cute bodies

probably not enough - the number of times I gave them baths

probably too much - the number of times we had frozen corn dogs for dinner (no we did not eat them frozen)

6 - the number of times I've made the wrong decision of whether or not to send them to daycare or pick them up when daycare calls because they are sick/hurt....I sure hope I figure this "mother" thing out for our next kids' sake

13 - the number of bags little mamma can put on when playing dress-up

2 - the number of princess dresses little mamma can put on when playing dress-up...oh yes, both at the same time + the bags and probably Kiki's high heals and 1 or 2 scarves

9 - the number of spider-mans big brother has...maybe a few with missing limbs that may or may not have been found in dog poops in our backyard

500+ - the number of times we hope to still see them and their family...we love them so much and pray that we will continue to do our part of ministering not only to them, but to their family

We've truly had a blast parenting these kids for the past 11 months.  Not that it's always been easy, pretty sure any parent would say that, but it just has been sooooo GOOD.  The thing I've heard the most lately (either from Mother's Day or their going home-ness) is "you guys have been such a blessing to these kids."  But honestly friends, it's the other way around.  They have blessed us more than I will probably ever know.  God has used them to change me and to reveal my sin and to draw me closer to Him and to show me how to be more like Christ.  I am so thankful to have had this opportunity and I pray that God blesses us with a long-term relationship with the family. 

Like I said, we will be taking about a month or so break (Dave's answer might be different), but we are focusing on finishing well with these kids first.  I think we have a vacation in the works, most likely Vegas, and I should have plenty of time to do things like, oh I don't know, blog more than once every 4 months?  Oh also, 1 more number...

9 - the number of years I taught...I will not be coming back next year....that decision was made on Wednesday....this week has sort of been a roller coaster :/

Love you guys!

What's goin' on...?

Well again it’s been forever since I last posted, but I’m going to stop apologizing for that because apparently I’m not that sorry J  Honestly I get a little intimidated because I follow so many great blogs that I know that I could never measure up to their postings.  But that’s okay too.

So, this isn’t going to be too long because I’ll probably mostly likely not have more to update you with tomorrow.  But my main reason to blog today is to ask for prayers.  The kids have a court hearing tomorrow at 8:30AM.  This is another one of those permanency hearings, which is normal (I think?) since it will be 9 months exactly since they have been in care.  We were informed today that there will be a meeting before court tomorrow morning where all important people involved (CPS caseworker, CPS caseworker’s supervisor, the kids’ guardian ad litem, and I’m not sure who else….no, not us of course!  we are just the babysitters here people) are going to try to reach an agreement, that we don’t agree with J  I know, I know - welcome to foster care.  But it doesn’t mean we can’t pray and ask God to give those people wisdom and that the kids would receive justice in His eyes.  So…please pray for the meeting and court tomorrow.  I am nervous and anxious and sad for what we expect to hear tomorrow - we’ve been told that they will probably propose another transition schedule to be put into place.  Yes, another…did I tell you all about the first one?  I can’t remember.  It’s been a little bit of a rollercoaster as far as their case goes.  They had a return date set for Feb. 15^th, and we were given that date early-ish January.  Their caseworker gave us a transition schedule where they start with longer visits, then do an overnight, then do a weekend, then a return.  All of that was going to take 3-4 weeks if I remember correctly.  So then “something came up” and that transition got put on hold.  Then “it got resolved,” so we have just been waiting, in limbo sort of, to hear if the transition is back on.  Which leads me back to what we expect to hear tomorrow.  We aren’t sure if it will be another month long transition (I’ve heard that was a pretty long transition schedule), or a few days, or a few weeks, or maybe we won’t even know anything tomorrow.  Again - all we know is that we know NOTHING J    

The kids are doing great.  We are constantly shocked by how far they have come since coming into care.  It’s truly amazing.  Whenever we are going through a tough time or dealing with a tough behavior we can ALWAYS say “yeah but think about what it was like when they first came.”  Here are some of their favorites (isn’t this what parents do??):

Big Brother

·       racing game (Mario Kart Wii)

·       playing ipad games, mostly a motorcycle and “bear game”

·       anything that has to do with technology

·       pee wee sports (we finished up his first basketball season in February…he was an all star if I do say so myself)

·       chocolate milk

·       chocolate ice cream

·       climbing on things

·       being overly dramatic (so much emotion for such a little body…seriously)

·       donuts with dinosaur sprinkles

·       spiderman

·       telling stories

·       reading stories (he is super sad when he can’t read his book in his bed before sleep time)

·       hugs and tisses

·       bananas for school

Little Mama

·       her hair with yarn extensions that are twirl-able

·       watching finding nemo on the ipad (every. single. time. and yes we do get a lot of ipad time on hair days)

·       talking about monsters, but also she hates them

·       not pee wee sports (she did basketball this time since she was old enough and she did much better by the end, but I’m not sure I see her playing sports…but she’s also 3)

·       attention

·       pink

·       trying on shoes 

·       dress up (especially in kiki's shoes and scarves)

·       babies

·       corn dogs

·       edamame

·       helping (or running things, whatever you wanna call it)

·       when Dave pats her back at bedtime after she’s had a “good day at school”

·       hugs and kisses

·       bananas for school

 We love them so incredibly much.  I don’t know how to do the next part.  Right now my plan is just not to think about it.  Which is probably a good thing for everyone right now, but I know I’ll have to face it at some point.  Luckily our backyard is being demolished (again) so maybe there will be some projects in our future to distract us from the next part too. 

 Love you guys and thanks for the prayers!

Kristy

tap the breaks, please

It's coming.  The day they will leave our house is coming and I can't do anything about it to push it back.  Yes, it is still foster care, and still ANYTHING can happen.  But according to CPS, the day is coming soon....possibly January, which I'm telling myself DOES NOT start tomorrow. 

So after their court date, they had what is called a permanancy conference.  In a nutshell, at the conference, we were informed that mom is doing very well (according to the state, who happens to have very different standards than we do) and that they will look at returning the kids home with her after the holidays, sometime in January.  Wow - it's so hard to even type that.  It just makes is so much more real, as I just try not to think about it most of the time.

We have known from day 1 that this was coming, but now that it's here, I just want to slow down time.  I haven't taken down "Christmas" yet at our house because maybe that means "the holidays" aren't over yet.  (and maybe partly because we just got back in town from Houston on Saturday...but the thought has crossed my mind that if I just leave them up, I can prevent them from leaving)  But I just have to keep reminding myself that no matter how much time or effort we put into these kids, we are not the ones that will save them, or protect them.  God is their only hope.  And my presence does not bring significance, only God's.  Our sermon yesterday spoke on Haggai 2, where God's people were rebuilding the temple and were discouraged by how it was no comparison to the original.  And God reminded them that it didn't matter how it looked or how much gold or silver it had.  What mattered was His presence and the fact that He was with them.  Dave and I can provide these kids things like new clothes, a nice house, healthy food, cool toys, etc.  But all that stuff doesn't matter.  God is what matters and what He give us matters - salvation.  And just because they leave this house, it doesn't mean God leaves their lives.  God is with them, just like He was in the new temple.

v.6-9: "This is what the Lord Almighty says: 'In a little while I will once more shake the heavens and the earth the sea and the dry land.  I will shake all the nations, and what is desired by all nations will come, and I will fill this house with glory,' says the Lord Almighty.  'The silver is mine and the gold is mine,' declares the Lord Almighty. 'The glory of this present house will be greater than the glory of the former house,' says the Lord Almighty. 'And in this place I will grant peace,' declares the Lord Almighty. "

Another thing Haggai told them was that they didn't need to sugar coat their disappointment or hide their sadness and mourning of the old temple.  I think we do that all the time.  We try to turn a bad situation good, or we look at "the bright side" of things.  Not that that's a bad thing, but sometimes I think it's okay to recognize our crappy situations or whatever life throws at us.  I think it makes us focus more on the eternal and what God has done for us.  One thing I have learned about being a foster parent is that it truly is crappy.  I don't know why anyone would sign up for this.  The state says "here, take these kids, love them, keep them save and healthy (oh and you and your house have to pass multiple inspections in order to take these kids), and we'll take them back when their bio family is doing what they are supposed to, or wait, maybe just showing an interest in what they are supposed to be doing."  It's so insanely crazy.  We are going to be left sad and alone and worried for these kids.  There's not a whole lot of "brightness" to this situation.  I am not ready for this.  I'm not ready to let them go and maybe never see them again.  I'm sure you never can be "ready," no matter how hard of a road it's been...and trust me, it's been hard.  But man will we miss them.  I can't type all the things we will miss about them...as I'm sitting in Starbucks and don't want people to stare at my weeping.

I guess it's a good thing I'm not one of those people that "could never do this, because it would hurt too much when they left."  I guess since we are doing this, the whole sending them home thing will be cake though, right??  I think I will start anwering the question, "so will it be hard to send them home?" with a "nah, piece of cake."  No offense if you've ever said or thought that...I'm just trying to look at the "bright side."  :)  I know most people cannot even relate to what we are doing and sometimes you just don't know what to say...I actually love talking about it and love that we do this...most of the time anyways...so I'm glad you are at least asking!  But yes, it will be hard....it will be more than hard.  It will be excrutiating, maybe the hardest thing I've ever done.  But that doesn't mean we won't do it again, and again, and again.  Because I don't think God calls us to do things that are always easy.  I think He calls us to do things that glorify Him, and I just pray and hope that we have brought glory to Him in caring for these kids.
  

Update-ish

Hi!  I've been getting a lot of questions about how court went...which is great because that means 1 - you read my last blog (thank you!) and 2 - you probably said a prayer for the kiddos (thank you!!).  So...I'm updating you to tell you we don't have an update yet :(  We (Dave) had originally planned on going to court (which is allowed, but not required), but were discouraged from going from both their CPS caseworker and ours.  Now that we haven't heard anything, I think if we had to do it over again we would probably go because I'm very curious as to what all was said.  But oh well...we'll learn from this!  I also learned that CPS caseworkers generally always discourage foster parents from going to court cases...because let's be honest, we're just the babysitters, right??  He did however encourage us to go to their permanancy conference, which from what I understand, is more informal and more of a meeting where everyone gets to participate - so Dave could give input if needed.  He said that would be happening soon, but did not give us a date.  He (and by 'he' I'm referring to their CPS caseworker) said that this hearing was really just to talk about birth mom's progress and not to talk about a return yet, or what that would look like.  He did tell Dave at their last visit that he probably wouldn't recommend return until at least February...which we were very relieved to hear.  It also means that it APPEARS that we will have a kid-filled Christmas - yay!  But again...it's foster care, so you should probably just delete that sentence from your memory because ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN :)  So...I did email OUR caseworker and asked her to get a report for us, but that has not been sent to us yet.  If we get that and there is anything to update about, I will certainly let everyone know!!  Thanks so much for caring and for praying and for asking....I really appreciate it!

Also - who told brother that I wrote a blog about her hair getting easier??  Because here is what her hair looked like when I picked them up from daycare the day I wrote that post and according to sister, brother was the culprit:

in case you can't tell, that is sand-like
 dirt and grass all up in there

So...our past 2 evenings have been all about taking out that style, washing, rewashing, parting, and doing a new style.  I had to know this was coming some day - what little kids don't play in dirt??

Birthday parties, hair, growth, and prayers

I know, this is a super random blog title, but it's what has been going on in our house the past few months.  We celebrated both birthdays since my last post - sister's was in October and brother's was just yesterday.  I'm glad that they are finally different ages again.  It was really weird answering the question "How old are they?" during that 2 month period when they were both 3.  We did park birthday parties for both (only in Texas can you do a December birthday party at the park), and I think they both really enjoyed it.  I did mostly fight the "urge" to go all out and do a cute, themed birthday party....even though he did request a Spider-Man party so that included Spider-Man-ish cupcakes and some Spider-Man napkins from Party City.  The one thing that took a little bit of time was I did make a "Happy Birthday ____" banner for each of them.  And we didn't even get to hang hers up at her party because we didn't get the pavilion that we were hoping to reserve and there was no where really to hang it.  Apparently I also only pick super windy days to have birthday parties, so even though we did hang up his birthday banner it was flapping all over the place and you couldn't really read it.  All this to say is I've now learned that our birthday parties from here on out will indeed have a theme - "less is more." (actually that's a name of a friend's blog...great name I might add!)

Ok, so on to "hair."  It is getting easier!!  No, I didn't say "easy."  I said "easier."  It still takes me a good 2 hours to just style the hair.  That doesn't include the time it takes to take the previous style out the night before.  So, it does take up a lot of our Saturdays (usually that 2 hours is spread out with a few breaks, because getting a 3 year old to sit still for 2 hours is no fun for anyone).  I am super thankful for 2 things when it comes to hair because without them, I would be lost - first is her daycare teacher who will do her hair when I just don't have the time (busy weekend, or on a weekday if her previous style is looking rough), and second is a blog that has saved her hairs life - www.chocolatehairvanillacare.com.  If anyone is doing chocolate hair, I definitely recommend this site, and from what I can tell from her followers, it's not just vanilla ladies out there following her.  She's pretty amazing when it comes to knowledge of how to care for and style "chocolate hair."  I usually stick to the basics and part her hair in sections, rubber band them, and then put twists in with clips at the end, but I have been getting a bit more adventurous in my styles.  For family pictures I just had to try something different, so I did flat rope twists, which probably mean nothing to most of you, but just think an easier version of cornrowing.  It turned out good enough to keep for family pictures, but it didn't last long.  The best part of that whole style was that at the visit that week, the mom told Dave that I would have to teach her how to do that style....what???  I may have finally earned some street cred, I dunno. 

The last 2 thoughts will have to be quick as I need to go wake the little ones up in about 5 minutes.  Growth - Dave and I love to sit and talk about how far they've come.  We got a date night the other night and it was so fun to talk about what they "knew" when they came, and what they know now.  It's just crazy amazing.  These kids have grown so much, physically, mentally, spiritually, socially.  It's so good to think about where they came from because then it makes whatever we are dealing with at the moment sooooo much LESS, because we can say "well at least they aren't doing ____ like they did when they first came."  And I'm not saying this to make us look awesome, because we're just not.  I think they would grow just as much anywhere else....well not anywhere obviously, but you know.  It just shows that they weren't getting all the basics that you truly need - love, conversation, routine, consequences, and most importantly Jesus.

Ok last and certainly not least - their court date is TODAY, so please pray!  From their caseworker's report, it seems that this one is maybe not as big as we had thought as far as discussing their return and what that's going to look like, but I'm still nervous and anxious to hear what goes on...and I understand that it's foster care and anything can happen.  I will write a quick update after today to let everyone know what did, or didn't, happen. 

Thanks for reading!!

Kristy